Episode 133

Mastering First Page Critiques - The 5 Do’s with Henry McLaughlin

Christopher and Gena Maselli are joined by award-winning author Henry McLaughlin, known for his Riverbend series and 'Emily's Trials'. Together, they tackle the importance of first page critiques, essential tips for preparing and receiving manuscript feedback, and how to make your writing stand out from the very beginning. Gena, emphasizes the significance of engaging readers from the start, while Henry shares key strategies for captivating openings. The episode also introduces personal critique services by Henry for Writing Momentum members. Join us to enhance your manuscript with professional insights and take your writing to the next level.

  • 00:00 Welcome to Writing Momentum
  • 00:16 Introducing Henry McLaughlin
  • 01:45 The Importance of the First Page
  • 05:51 Adapting to Modern Readers
  • 08:04 The Value of Critiques
  • 11:21 The Importance of Following Submission Guidelines
  • 12:16 Anonymous Submissions for Fair Critiques
  • 13:02 Group Critiques: Learning from Others
  • 14:42 The Value of Open-Mindedness in Receiving Feedback
  • 17:34 Editing Before Submitting: A Crucial Step
  • 19:02 Depersonalizing Critiques: Focus on the Story
  • 20:42 The Power of Gratitude in Receiving Critiques
  • 22:25 Join the Writing Momentum Membership

LINKS:

  • Get your work critiqued! Join our writing membership at https://www.writingmomentum.com/membership
  • Liz Wilcox's Email Marketing Membership at http://wmdeal.com/liz
  • Get your FREE Move the Needle goal-setting for authors ebook at https://www.writingmomentum.com
Transcript
Christopher:

Hello and welcome to Writing Momentum.

Christopher:

I'm Christopher Maselli and I'm here with my wife, Gena.

Christopher:

How you doing today, Gena?

Gena:

I'm doing , well, pretty good.

Gena:

If I sound a little stuffy, that's what's going on here, but that's okay.

Gena:

I'm, I'm happy to be here and I'm really excited to talk to our guest today.

Christopher:

Yeah, Gena's had a little bit of a cold, but we are

Christopher:

here with Henry McLaughlin, who has been on the podcast before.

Christopher:

Uh, Henry is an award winning author.

Christopher:

He's tagged as one to watch with Publishers Weekly, and he's best

Christopher:

known for his Riverbend series and his latest book, Emily's Trials.

Christopher:

I am so glad you're here today.

Christopher:

Henry, how are you doing today?

Henry:

I'm doing good.

Henry:

Doing good.

Henry:

Um, as a friend of mine likes to say, God has been good to me.

Christopher:

Well, you're with us partly because we, well, first of all, we love

Christopher:

having you on the podcast here and talking about writing, it's always a fun time.

Christopher:

And we love seeing the new mustache.

Christopher:

Got to love that.

Christopher:

And, but the reason a lot of people are going to be excited you're here

Christopher:

is because one new thing we're doing in our writing momentum membership is

Christopher:

we're going to start offering critiques that Henry is going to read for you.

Christopher:

So if you've got a book that you've started writing, you've got that

Christopher:

first chapter started and you're like, you know, I really want someone

Christopher:

to look at what I'm writing and give me some good feedback on it.

Christopher:

You're going to be able to send that to Henry if you're a part of the Writing

Christopher:

Momentum membership and he Can critique it for you and give you some great feedback.

Christopher:

So I'm getting a little ahead of myself, maybe, but there, if you want to find

Christopher:

out about that, go to writingmomentum.

Christopher:

com slash membership, and you can find out about the membership, but Henry, you

Christopher:

got to tell us what critiques even are.

Henry:

Okay.

Henry:

Um, when I think of a critique, I think of, I've written a book or started a

Henry:

book and, I want some feedback on what it looks like, how it looks, how it sounds,

Henry:

and um, I'm looking for, you know, honest feedback, hopefully kind, um, uh, and just

Henry:

somebody to look at maybe just my first page and say, what do you think of this?

Henry:

And just, you know, I'll look at it.

Henry:

We'll read it.

Henry:

Make some comments on it and give them my best feedback for it and

Henry:

see where it goes from there.

Henry:

If your first page is messed up, the book's going to be messed up.

Gena:

Well, that's what I was going to say is that first page is so important.

Gena:

There's a lot of work that's going on in that first page that you have to capture.

Gena:

Can you talk a little bit about that?

Gena:

What is it that?

Gena:

Why is that first page so important?

Gena:

What is it that that page is having to do?

Henry:

That page has to engage the reader, has to get the reader's intention.

Henry:

Um, sometimes that's, you know, sometimes it's a dramatic beginning.

Henry:

Sometimes it's a crisis that's happening.

Henry:

Uh, normally what we want to do in that first page is start with action.

Henry:

Have your, your main character doing something on that first page.

Henry:

Try not to describe the weather, try not to describe, um, the town or whatever.

Henry:

Try and get your, your character in action that way, you know, the reader

Henry:

has somebody, some person to connect to.

Henry:

And, um, if they can connect on your first page, then they're more likely to read

Henry:

your second page than your third page.

Henry:

I mean, how many of us go into a bookstore and, um, I forget who described this to

Henry:

me, but they make a decision on reading a book between 20 and 30 seconds.

Christopher:

Wow.

Henry:

To pick up the book, look at the cover, read the back copy.

Henry:

Then they start reading the first page.

Henry:

And if they're engaged by it, they'll keep reading.

Henry:

If they're not, they'll just close the book, put it back on the shelf.

Henry:

It's, it's amazing how, how, you know, you think of a book that's 300 pages

Henry:

long, and if you don't connect with them on the first page, they just put

Henry:

it away, they just put it to one side.

Henry:

You know, so that's, that's really how crucial that first page is.

Henry:

Introducing your, your main character, and what their action is, and then

Henry:

the rest of the time, the rest of the pages, you can fill in their backstory.

Christopher:

Don't start with the dark and stormy night then.

Henry:

Right.

Henry:

I like to read some of the old writers like, uh, Oh, Agatha

Henry:

Christie and those people, and they'll start with pages and P.

Henry:

D.

Henry:

James does it too, pages of what the city, what the town, what the, you know,

Henry:

where the story takes place, what that looks like, but you get used to that

Henry:

with them, but it's a way of writing that's kind of going out of style.

Henry:

And I think editors and agents now look for, grab me on the

Henry:

first page, you know, so.

Christopher:

I'm guilty of that.

Christopher:

You know, I, I, I love reading, but I will often because I, I, I

Christopher:

now read with my e reader, right?

Christopher:

My Kindle.

Christopher:

And so it's so easy to download new books that I'll find myself.

Christopher:

I, I, I look at the book cover.

Christopher:

Of course it's in the store.

Christopher:

I read a little excerpt about it and then I download the book and I read

Christopher:

a couple of pages, but if it doesn't catch me on that couple of pages,

Christopher:

I'll move on to the next one, right?

Christopher:

Which is, it's kind of a shame when you think about it.

Christopher:

Cause you know how people poured their heart into these books.

Christopher:

Cause we pour our hearts into our books, but, um, but that is just kind of a

Christopher:

natural human way of doing things now.

Christopher:

And probably because we all have shorter attention spans, right?

Henry:

That's, that's the theory, a shorter attention span.

Gena:

Yeah.

Gena:

That's the thing is that it writing and literature and uh, books they've changed.

Gena:

So what was once, you know, pages and pages of description before

Gena:

you got into the action, we now live in a world of television and

Gena:

movies and streaming services.

Gena:

And so we're being hit with those inciting incidences a lot sooner or there's at

Gena:

least got to be some kind of dramatic tension filled moment that kind of

Gena:

grabs us because I really think that it is because of television and movies.

Gena:

I think that as we have moved into more of a visual watching a society,

Gena:

that it has made us want to get more into that action so much faster.

Henry:

Yeah.

Gena:

Tell us.

Gena:

Why?

Gena:

And you've really kind of answered this.

Gena:

You've talked about, uh, critique is valuable to kind of help a reader

Gena:

kind of fine tune that and give that, but tell us, um, what is it about

Gena:

a critique that readers should or writers should be thinking about?

Henry:

One thing they should be thinking about is what kind of

Henry:

feedback they're looking for.

Henry:

The other thing is, Does this opening page work?

Christopher:

Yeah.

Henry:

Does it work?

Henry:

Um, does it, you the critiquer, does it grab you the critiquer

Henry:

and pull you into the story?

Henry:

You know?

Henry:

Um, I remember once I was, I was pitching to an agent and he, we gave him the first

Henry:

five pages of a book and he, he read it.

Henry:

He was, at that time, he was really a well known agent.

Henry:

And very, everybody was wanting him.

Henry:

And um, He read, I gave him the first five pages.

Henry:

He said, well, this is, this doesn't happen very often.

Henry:

I said, what?

Henry:

He said, I reached the end of the five pages and I want to read more.

Christopher:

That's valuable feedback there.

Henry:

Yeah, that's very valuable feedback.

Henry:

Yeah.

Henry:

You know, so, and it could be something as simple as that.

Henry:

I want to read more after reading your first page.

Christopher:

You know, that's the thing is that whenever we finish writing or

Christopher:

even as we're writing, We know we want people to read our book eventually, right?

Christopher:

We want an agent to like it, an editor to like it, or just if we're going

Christopher:

to self publish, readers to like it.

Christopher:

And getting a critique is kind of a low bar away to start getting feedback on

Christopher:

your book before it goes public to say, okay, am I heading in the right direction?

Christopher:

Is this what I should be doing?

Christopher:

And just to kind of put you on the right track, right?

Henry:

Yeah.

Henry:

Yeah, exactly.

Henry:

Give you Some suggestions, some direction, you know, maybe try this,

Henry:

you know, um, this doesn't seem to work, you know, what you've got here.

Christopher:

So we've written down we were when we were talking about critiques

Christopher:

earlier, because we know you're gonna be doing critiques with writing momentum.

Christopher:

Again, go to writing momentum.

Christopher:

com slash membership, you can become a member and you can get a

Christopher:

critique here with Henry of your first page of your manuscript.

Christopher:

And we, we wrote down, we thought, well, what are some things that people should

Christopher:

probably know about their manuscripts?

Christopher:

What are some dos, some things they should absolutely do when

Christopher:

it comes to their manuscript?

Christopher:

And the first one is kind of simple is follow directions.

Christopher:

In what ways do people need to follow directions?

Christopher:

Can't they just go ahead and just send you their, manuscript?

Christopher:

I mean, how much other than did that do they have to do?

Henry:

The reason we say follow the directions is many times authors will

Henry:

hear, uh, especially authors who haven't been published yet, will hear about this

Henry:

agent who's looking for submissions and they'll just send it in and they don't

Henry:

even look at the guidelines that the agent has, you know, so get in the habit of what

Henry:

are the directions to make a submission?

Henry:

For this exercise that we're going to be doing with people, they're fairly simple.

Henry:

Just do it in Word, Times New Roman, 12 point font, double spaced.

Henry:

You know, that's what's so important.

Henry:

There's an agent, his name's Steve Lobby.

Henry:

A lot of people have heard of him.

Henry:

He asked, somebody pitched to him at a conference.

Henry:

And he said, send me the synopsis in the first, you know, five or ten pages.

Henry:

But his directions for the synopsis was single space, half inch

Henry:

margins all around, 12 point font.

Henry:

And this author, so she could get her synopsis on one page, she sent

Henry:

him, the margins were like a quarter inch, all around, not a half inch,

Henry:

single spaced, and eight point font.

Christopher:

Oh my goodness, wow, put on your reading glasses.

Henry:

Yeah, right.

Henry:

Uh, so needless to say, Steve just put it aside.

Henry:

They can't follow directions.

Henry:

They're going to get rejected, you know, and without any look at how's

Henry:

the book itself, how's the writing.

Christopher:

Hey, I think that's a big deal, and this is a good practice for

Christopher:

that, and Gena does that if she teaches high schoolers how to do writing,

Christopher:

and she'll make sure they follow the format, because it really is, like,

Christopher:

format is the way to get yourself in the door, if you're following the

Christopher:

standard that the agent, the editor, anyone's looking for, And 90 percent of

Christopher:

the other people aren't, you are more likely to have your manuscript read.

Gena:

I tell my students don't lose 10 percent because you

Gena:

didn't follow the directions.

Gena:

Don't lose 10 percent of your grade.

Gena:

Um, and, and it, because it's a simple, it's a simple 10%,

Gena:

but it makes a huge difference.

Gena:

And, and editors, If they're expecting, and editors or critiquers, if they're

Gena:

expecting to get something in 12 point Times New Roman and you send them 14

Gena:

point Comic Sans, what you're really doing is you're creating a barrier

Gena:

for that person to automatically think that you're not professional.

Henry:

Right.

Henry:

Exactly.

Gena:

Just you're discounting yourself and it's just so unnecessary, especially

Gena:

when people have put so much effort into writing a quality product.

Gena:

You know, they're wanting to write their story, their, book, whatever it

Gena:

is, they've put so much work into it.

Gena:

Don't let yourself get disqualified because you don't follow the directions.

Christopher:

Yeah, exactly.

Gena:

I will also say for ours that we're doing, one of the directions

Gena:

that we are doing, that we are doing is that we are asking that the person,

Gena:

the writer's name does not appear on the sheet that's being submitted,

Gena:

that they include a cover sheet.

Gena:

Their name needs to be on the cover sheet, but on the actual piece that

Gena:

Henry's going to read and critique, we're asking that that is anonymous,

Gena:

that the name does not appear.

Gena:

And that's just so that it can be a clean critique, you know, even if it's

Gena:

somebody he knows, he's not going to change his critique based on that.

Gena:

He's going to be able to look at it on an even playing field for everybody.

Gena:

So, uh, I know that's one, and that's not an unusual request when

Gena:

it comes for critiques either.

Christopher:

We should also add that these are going to be open critiques.

Christopher:

So these are going to be done in a group.

Christopher:

We're going to get a certain amount of these together and then have a group

Christopher:

meeting where they're going to be read and critiqued so that everyone can

Christopher:

learn from everyone else's entries.

Christopher:

So that's another reason, though, why we want this to be anonymous is so that no

Christopher:

one feels singled out it's just a good conversation and it'll be encouraging.

Christopher:

Henry is always very encouraging.

Christopher:

As you get to know Henry, you know, he's always got some good things

Christopher:

to say, but he'll also be truthful and honest with you and let you

Christopher:

know what needs to be worked on.

Gena:

Well, and I want to really, hone in on that, this idea that you

Gena:

can learn so much from listening to other people's process and listening

Gena:

to other people's critiques.

Gena:

You know, if somebody has made, uh, a choice in their writing and Henry's

Gena:

correcting that saying, well, let's, let's look at another way of doing this.

Gena:

Or I really think even that, you know, what your first two or

Gena:

three paragraphs, Lop them off.

Gena:

You're going to start your action here, which I have a feeling is

Gena:

probably something he regularly says.

Gena:

That kind of thing.

Gena:

You can hear that.

Gena:

You can see it.

Gena:

And all of a sudden you can internalize it and you can take it away and

Gena:

you can say, Oh, you know what?

Gena:

Let me look at my first page.

Gena:

You know what, I think I've got a couple of paragraphs that I probably

Gena:

can just drop off and so that my reader gets into the action that much

Gena:

faster or ways that maybe I can, you know, the dialogue needs to be done

Gena:

or I can introduce my character.

Gena:

Um, there's so much that you can learn just from hearing

Gena:

other people's critiques.

Christopher:

That's right.

Henry:

Yeah.

Christopher:

Which is similar to the second do here, to the listen to and think

Christopher:

about the feedback with an open mind.

Christopher:

Right?

Henry:

Right.

Christopher:

You want to think about that feedback that you

Christopher:

received with an open mind.

Christopher:

Because I think it's very easy to put our guards up.

Christopher:

Right?

Christopher:

I wrote just fine.

Christopher:

Don't critique it.

Gena:

He just doesn't understand.

Christopher:

Isn't that what we're trying to do is critique it.

Henry:

Have an attitude of learning.

Henry:

I heard this story, I didn't, wasn't witness to it, but I heard this story of

Henry:

somebody gave a manuscript to an agent or an editor and he said, God gave me every

Henry:

word of this book and you can't change it.

Henry:

You just have to publish it.

Gena:

I've heard that many times.

Gena:

I also want to say that that's why these sessions that you're going to be doing,

Gena:

Henry, are going to be recorded so that people in the membership can go back and

Gena:

listen to those recordings and they can listen to it because I do this myself.

Gena:

If I'm hearing something, if I'm hearing a critique or listening to someone talk

Gena:

or listening to a coach, whatever, I will only really remember a few of the

Gena:

points, but when I go back and things will stick in my brain, they'll stand

Gena:

out to me, I'll latch onto those.

Gena:

But if I go back and re listen to what was said, a lot of times I can get

Gena:

more from maybe something else that was spoken about stands out to me then.

Gena:

Keeping an open mind the first time, but going back and listening to him maybe

Gena:

a day, two days later, and listening to him again, and really not being quick to

Gena:

respond, but just, just sit there with an attitude of I'm just going to absorb, I'm

Gena:

just going to listen, I'm going to absorb.

Gena:

So I think that that's one thing that's going to be great is that people are going

Gena:

to be able to re-listen to these critiques again, so that it's not just what they

Gena:

capture in the moment, but they can really kind of absorb what's being said.

Henry:

Yeah, one of the keys to getting benefit from the critique, is,

Henry:

you know, listening, um, absorbing.

Henry:

I think it was Jerry Jenkins was the first person I ever heard say

Henry:

this, but develop a thick skin.

Henry:

You know, um, that's part of the world of writing, you know,

Henry:

you're going to get feedback.

Henry:

Some of it you're not going to like, some of it may actually be harsh, you

Henry:

know, um, but develop a thick skin so you can pull out the nuggets that

Henry:

are going to improve your writing.

Christopher:

Which is really the point.

Christopher:

I mean, the whole point of going to a critique is to have it critiqued, right?

Christopher:

You're not just looking for someone to cheer you on, you want to

Christopher:

know what, what you can improve.

Gena:

That's the key.

Gena:

What can, how, listen with the idea of this person is going

Gena:

to help me make this better.

Henry:

Yeah.

Christopher:

All right the third do, which was edit before submitting.

Christopher:

Talk to us about that.

Henry:

Well, there have been times, in my experience with, with doing critiques and

Henry:

editing and stuff where, um, something is as innocuous as you change the spelling of

Henry:

the person's name, there's misspellings.

Henry:

You know take the time to at least run it through a spell check, take the time to

Henry:

have your computer read it back to you.

Henry:

Print out that first page, have your computer read it back to you, because

Henry:

then you're going to pick up something that, because you wrote it and you're

Henry:

reading it, you're not going to pick up stuff that's a little awkward or

Henry:

a little, disjointed or whatever.

Henry:

So that that's why, you know, it's good to edit before submitting.

Henry:

And again, that's a good practice when you're ready to submit

Henry:

to an agent or to a publisher.

Henry:

That's what they're going to be looking for, you know, that that you've

Henry:

not just dashed it off and send it in, but you've taken the time to go

Henry:

through it and correct basic mistakes.

Christopher:

That's really good.

Christopher:

So what's the next thing they should do when it comes to submitting a critique?

Henry:

Actually it's probably more, what are they looking for in their critique?

Christopher:

Yeah.

Henry:

You know, if they're looking for a pat on the back

Henry:

and good job, don't submit.

Henry:

You know, if they're looking for some honest feedback, it's about their writing.

Henry:

And it's about their writing, it's not about them as personally.

Henry:

And that's, that's part of developing that, that thick skin, it's, um, it's,

Henry:

it's depersonalize the critique, you know, this is not about me as a person, this

Henry:

is about my story, you know, and I know it's hard for us to separate ourselves

Henry:

from our stories, you know, because we've poured our heart and soul into the, into

Henry:

that writing, but, you know, um, yeah, don't, don't personalize the critique.

Christopher:

I like that.

Christopher:

I like that.

Christopher:

Depersonalize it.

Henry:

Depersonalize it, this is an objective assessment of my writing.

Henry:

You know, it's like, I don't know, when you submitted a paper in high school, and

Henry:

you thought it was the greatest thing you ever wrote, and you get a D, you know?

Henry:

Yeah, and it's like, man, you know, if you don't have that thick skin,

Henry:

you're gonna be like, oh, wow.

Henry:

You know, why am I even trying, you know, it takes, it takes a while to be a writer.

Gena:

And like you said, to realize that it's about the story.

Gena:

You're critiquing the story.

Gena:

You're not critiquing the writer, you're not critiquing their future, you're not

Gena:

critiquing the quality of, you know, what is going to happen to them in the writing

Gena:

world, in the future or, or whether or not they can call themselves a writer.

Gena:

They are a writer.

Gena:

They're just there for their story.

Henry:

Yeah.

Gena:

And to improve their story.

Gena:

They're just there for looking for ways to improve their story.

Henry:

And that's why they're there.

Gena:

Exactly.

Gena:

So good.

Gena:

Well, I think, Chris, you could give us the fifth one here.

Christopher:

The fifth one, very simple, is to be thankful.

Christopher:

Yeah.

Christopher:

You know, when you're asking for someone to do a critique, it's, it's,

Christopher:

um They're sharing their time and their expertise with you to help you

Christopher:

make a leap forward in your writing and with that manuscript, right?

Christopher:

Because if you're left on your own, sometimes it's easy to get stuck.

Christopher:

To have someone give you a good critique that can really help propel you forward

Christopher:

is something to be super thankful for.

Christopher:

And that's part of the reason, Henry, we're so thankful that you're going to be

Christopher:

doing critiques here with Writing Momentum because we know that, um, It's going to

Christopher:

help propel some of our writers forward.

Christopher:

And it's really a valuable service.

Christopher:

And, uh, it's such an honor to have you offer to come and do this with us.

Gena:

And I think that's the thing with so much of what we've done, uh, with.

Gena:

All of this with our, with the different people who are training with writing

Gena:

momentum and who are part of our training team is that they, that you, Henry,

Gena:

Chris and I, we've spent years learning this craft and it hasn't always been

Gena:

easy and it's been hard and there's been stumbles along the way and now

Gena:

we're at a place where hopefully we can help other people leapfrog forward

Gena:

and not have to spend as long learning.

Gena:

So that's why, you know, when you critique these first pages, you're

Gena:

bringing all your experience to the table to say, let me help you make

Gena:

this even better and not make even some of the faux pas or trips that I

Gena:

made or that I see other people make.

Gena:

Let me help you get where you want to be even faster.

Henry:

Exactly.

Christopher:

So, so we're recording this in October of 2024.

Christopher:

If you're listening, then it is at the end of this month that Henry is

Christopher:

going to give his first critiques in the writing Momentum memberships.

Christopher:

You can go to writing momentum.com/membership to learn

Christopher:

how to sign up and be a part of it.

Christopher:

It's just $25 a month and it's gonna be kind of a first come, first serve

Christopher:

basis on these, um, as we do them.

Christopher:

But we're not going to just do them this one time.

Christopher:

Henry is planning to do this on a regular basis.

Christopher:

So even if you're listening outside of this month, um, Hey, come, come on, jump

Christopher:

on into the membership and, we can see what spots are available at that point.

Christopher:

Well, Hey, Henry, you're going to come back and share the five

Christopher:

don'ts to do with critiques, right?

Henry:

Right.

Christopher:

These are the to do's today.

Christopher:

All right, well, thank you again for being with us here on the Writing

Christopher:

Momentum podcast, and be sure to check out Henry's books, Emily's Trials is

Christopher:

the latest one that's on Amazon, right?

Henry:

Yep.

Henry:

Somebody told me they had seen it in Target, and I said, wow, okay.

Christopher:

Awesome.

Christopher:

So wherever good books are sold.

Christopher:

Alright, well thank you so much for listening to the Writing Momentum Podcast.

Christopher:

If you have an opportunity to share this with someone who you think might

Christopher:

like to get a critique, go ahead and do that and let them know they

Christopher:

can be a part of the membership too.

Christopher:

Because we're not all in this alone.

Christopher:

We do this together, right?

Gena:

Yes, because together we have Writing Momentum.

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About the Podcast

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Writing Momentum
Write, Publish, Build Your Author Brand, Sell Your Book

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About your host

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Christopher Maselli

Christopher P.N. Maselli is a Certified Digital Marketing Professional, an award-winning children’s author of more than 50 books, a direct mail writer, and a ghostwriter for many prominent, international speakers.

“I love sharing what I’ve learned over the past 25 years,” says Chris. “We’re all in this together and hopefully what I’ve learned can benefit beginners and veterans alike.”

Chris regularly speaks at writer’s conferences nationwide and on the training portion of WritingMomentum.com, he helps put other writers on the fast track to success. He holds a Masters of Fine Arts in Writing.